Felt very blessed again today.  I have started praying before my 2 hours of inbound to try and increase the opportunity that might come.  I had another big day.  I have about $1.8M in opportunity today.  I have a scheduled interview for the FILI job next week and I have mixed emotions.  The last few weeks I have been reminded of why I like my job.  I can;t do it forever though. 

We started the floor refinishing today.  We will need to move out of the house for a few days.  They want us to remove the cabinets and sinks.  I'm concerned about how Tiffany will do without a sink for 3-4 weeks.  We will find out soon enough.

It is starting to feel like Fall.  I love the Fall.  the harvest, football, change of the season.  We will be canning soon.  the air will start to turn crisp.  I hope we get a longer Fall than normal. 

I attempted to help emma with her Math tonight.  This year she has a text book which will be very helpful.  I still struggle with the Math.  I often thought I would retire early and teach Math at a High School.  I'm starting to reconsider.  Maybe I'm not good at math. 

I went into work like usual today.  We still have not purchased a car for emma.  I think I feel too poor due tot he remodel.  We need to get her a car.  until Tiffany begins Orchestra Emma gets my car and I get driven to the train.  I catch the Frontrunner in Draper and it lets me off almost on the doorstep of work.  Before my first appointment I get a text from Tiffany saying the floor guys want to fix our floor this morning.  We just got the painting done and thought we had another week before he needed to remove the cabinet.  We also needed to get the dishwasher moved.  I finished my first appointment and cancelled the rest for the day and took the day off.  Tiffany was able to get Mari and Hyrum to help her move the cabinet before I got home..  they seemed to enjoy it.  tiffany had asked for help on facebook to remove the dishwasher.  We stopped to get lunch from Wendy's as a reward for the kids and before we got home we had a neighbor Tom Allen ( or Allum) came over and was working on the dishwasher.  He is a handy man and was taking the dishwasher apart.  It was far more involved than I thought it would be.  What took him 30 min would have taken me 3 hours.  I came home for no reason.  tiffany told me when she dropped me off at the train that she had nothing planned to day but to get the house straightened.  She has struggled with the house being in disarray.  She was hoping to create some order.  With her afternoon free I thought she would wait until tomorrow to start the cleaning.  After lunch she went at the work she had wanted to do.  this has left her extremely tired.  She has always been a very hard worker.  I would have helped her if I had known she was working on the home.  I went to the basement and tried to sleep and ended up watching super hero movies woith Hyrum.  We played a few video games. 

Tiffany has an increasing concern that she will turn out like her mother.  She struggles with her relationship with her mom.  I think her Mom still thinks of her as her little girl and has not found a way to adapt to the ever evolving relationship.  the girls have started to notice it also.  She talked to Emma and eve like they are little kids.  I keep trying to help Tiffany see she has complete control over this.  If she wants to have a relationship with her kids as adults she will need to adapt.  I don't feel like this is a legit problem for her but she still gets concerned. 

this has been an exhausting week.  We are still working on our remodel and this week was painting.  We needed to paint out ceiling and walls.  I don't do so well working over my head.  I don't know if it is a lack of arm strength but I struggle.  After work each day this week we worked on painting until it was time for bed.  I don't do well will little down time.  I feel like I'm soft for needing the down time but I do.  I was painting the ceiling while Eve was having an end of Summer party.  I'm sure it looked weird us having no drapes and me painting the ceiling.  Tiffany painted the kitchen in the morning and I tackled the family room while she was at a Stake meeting.  My back was killing when I was done but we got it finished.  the rest of the week was painting the walls which is much easier and I don't mind it so much.  I was able to watch/listen to the Olympics while I painted.  I have always enjoyed the Olympics so it has been a good distraction.  The painting is done and it looks good.  now we can have the floor guy do his job.  we need to find a place to be for 3-4 days while they do what they do.  We were hoping we could do the floor in the Summer and go to the cabin.  I will be done in September.  Grandmother found out we need a place and is expecting us to move in with her.  We'll see.  Jennie lives with her now and I don't want to intrude.

I attempted to help Mari with a wart she has had for about a year.  She has a wart on her hand that does not respond to treatment.  I had a wart years ago that I removed with a knife.  I carved at it until it was gone.  No blood and inside there were these black seeds.  I was hoping to help Mari and she is very concerned about having it gone before school starts.  I took a pin to it to see if it was tender and it was not.  I took a knife to it and it bled a bit but it did not hurt.  I eventually gave up.  I could not see what I was doing.  I think I might try to order some new treatments online and hope it helps her.

Today we had our back to school blessings.  It is always a special experience for me to provide that for my family.  I am still concerned about Emma.  She is wanting so much from her school experience that is not happening.  She wants a core group of friends but she keeps seeking it in areas that she can;t seem to get it.  She tries to break into these strong selective clicks.  She has many friends and everyone seems to know her.  She seems to be well liked but she struggles to get the results she wants to have.  I have often thought that she would do better in College.  she seems to be a bit advanced for the friends she has in school.  She is considering scholarships, a major and a career path.  Most of the other kids are more concerned about their high school distractions.  Emma has always been like this.  As her father I love it but I think it hampers her social life at times.  I can;t be prouder of her.  she has grown and developed skills that I was surprised to see.  She has gone from not being able to sing in front of us to singing at the wrong time in social scenarios.  She has a bog year ahead of her and I'm confident she will figure it all out.  I hope she gets the results she is hoping for.  I hope she feels our relationship allows us to have an open discussion about her concerns.  She very often will attempt to solve all her problems herself.  I wish she would share more so we might be able to provide direction.  Tiffany and I see the world very differently so our suggestions often are different.  Between us we should be able to provide something of value. 

Felt very blessed the last two days.  I have been struggling at work so far this year.  I started asking the kids to pray for their dad while he is at work.  I have a short opportunity each week to take calls that come in the company.  this can be a great opportunity for large cash flows into Fidelity that I can get in front of.  Sometime this inbound yields nothing but other times there can be a few good leads we get.  Yesterday I prayed in the morning I would have a lot of opportunities to work with.  I prayed before my 2 hour block I was given I would get some good leads.  My 2 hour block had a lot of great opportunity.  I was able to get in front of about 2 million dollars which can be as much as I see in a whole month.  This is not the first time this has happened.  When I feel like I need help at work I ask the kids to pray for there dad and normally things turn around in a hurry.  I fully belive the Lord wants us to pray over our fields, our homes, etc.

I have not been able to log into this journal for a few months.  I keep meaning to try something new to get access.  Finally I realized what I needed to do.  A lot has happened since I last had an entry.  I'll try to recap what has been happening.

We are entering Emma's last year of school.  Soon she will be on a mission and off to whatever adventures she has a head of her.  She is very determined to go on a mission.  She will doing MDT again next year.  It has been fun to see her have more confident with her talents.  she has gone from not being able to sing in front of us to singing all the time.  It has impacted Hyrum.  We took hyrum to see some end of year plays at the High School.  I think he has had his mind opened to other possibilities.  He has decided he does not want to do football this Fall and instead has asked for voice lessons.  I didn't feel like I could force him to stay with football.  Because of his birthday he does not qualify to play with his friends.  he plays a year ahead and some of the kids are two yeas ahead of him in school.  I'm still trying to come to grips with it all.  Mari has decided she does not want to do sports any more and with Hyrum not playing football this will be the first Fall in about 10 years that I will not be coaching anything.  I'm ok with not coaching but I have a lot of time on my hands now.  Tiffany is very excited to have her Saturdays back.

The Summer has been very busy with camps.  It seems every week we have one of our kids off for a week.  The camp that sticks out is when Emma took her cousin Lauren to Oakcrest.  Lauren, having down syndrome, can't go to Oakcrest without a camp buddy to assist her.  Emma took her after she had already been to a camp 2 of the last three weeks.  She was very tired and I think not fully aware of what she had volunteered for.  Lauren would not have been able to go to the camp without Emma volunteering.  Once we got her home she broke down.  Exhausted, frustrated, and mentally strained.  I was very proud.

We just completed the Mutli Stake Triathlon yesterday.  I was in charge of the finish line like I have been in years past.  I got there very early and got everything set up.  Very proud of Eve.  She was nervous to do the Triathlon after her accident last year.  We took her on a bike ride last week to get ready and she cried the whole time.  she was white knuckled the whole way. She could not make a left turn.  Her elbow would lock up and not allow her to turn.  She finished the race and feel good about the outcome.  It is always good to have the Triathlon over.  We had about 400 sign up for it this year.  It grows every year. 

Mom and Dad are finally in Africa.  They were suppose to leave in June but they could not secure the Visas needed to get there.  After about a month of patience they were able to get them.  They have been there for about a month.  we Skype on Saturdays with them.  We are all trying to assist in helping Grandmother while they are away. 

Lincoln is in the MTC.  Mark asked that I smoke a bunch of pork shoulders for the farewell.  I have been able to use the smoker a lot more than I thought I would.  I was able to talk with Mark about work at Fidelity.  I have needed a mentor and have asked that he help me determine an appropriate career path.  I get into these funks where the stress of being in a high paying sales role is a bit much.  I have been in my current role for about 11-12 years.  I feel like I need to do something new.  I think the stress I have is causing some imbalance in me.  About every 2-3 years I get into a funk where I feel down, stressed, I don't eat as much.  I have been able to work through it and eventually be ok but I wonder if I changed things if I would not have this cycle of  . . .  I dont know what it is.  The last time it happened the doctor thought it was depression.  I have a new doctor now who thinks I might be able to power through if I add exercise.  I officially retired from basketball last august when I turned my ankle.  I have not yet found something to replace it.  Tiffany thinks this funk I'm in comes when we spend large amounts of money.  The last time it happened we were finishing our basement.  We spent about double what I was expecting.  I have since learned to read an invoice properly.  We are currently remodeling the kitchen.  It is a mess and we have been at it for 4-6 week.  We will not be done for at least another month.  I have started the process of moving to a support role with the insurance side of Fidelity.  It is one of the few roles that will not require a massive pay decrease.  it will still be a decrease of about 25-35% but they pay my current role to try and keep us there forever.  We should still be able to make a living at this new role.  I have been spending a lot of time this past month downloading and reconciling out finances through Quicken.  It has been a lot of work and some painful to see what we have been spending our money on.  We have had some large expenses like our patio, the fence, Eve's cello.  We have also been spending a lot on food, accessories, and other stuff we don't need.  I think we have a handle on it now.  I feel very poor.  We have the funds needed for the kitchen but I have liked how much security I felt having that cash there.  If I take this new job it will be some time before I get that back.  I have lowered how much we are adding to retirement hoping that will help.  As soon as I started the process of trying for a new position we are having a lot of success in our current role.  Tiffany feels this is a tender mercy of letting me leave the role on top.  I hope I'm leaving the role for the right reasons.  I hope I'm not looking for something that is not there.  There is a lot of security I have with the clients I work with.  Having direct access to clients is the safest job at Fidelity.  I would be leaving that to help reps like me.  Not as secure.  I have thought about trying to negotiate a move to be a manager of my current role but I'm afraid that pay cut would be too much.  I'm also concerned that at my current base I might be at risk of being paid more than others in my same role.  That might make me at risk the next time the company is looking to save some costs.  Mark tells me I can't worry about that.